Working with Productive Worries: Get Unstuck!

Dr. Amanda Beaman, C.Psych

Now that we have discussed ways of working with unproductive worries, it can be helpful to shift gears and discuss skills that are helpful for managing productive worries, otherwise known as life’s real “problems”.  Research shows that people who worry excessively are more likely than people who worry less to have difficulty solving everyday problems effectively.  One reason why chronic worriers may not solve problems as effectively is because they approach problems with an overly negative, or perfectionistic mindset.  For example, while they may think of solutions to a problem, they may get stuck because of negative or perfectionistic thoughts that pop-up in the process, which make them doubt whether their solution will work.  As a perfect solution is not usually possible, they could stay stuck for a while.  Also, if there is a negative mindset toward a problem, it can make the problem feel too big or burdensome to solve, and this can lead to more anxiety, and then avoidance of the problem.  Let’s illustrate with an example:

Let’s imagine that Sally has been keeping track of her worries and she identified a productive worry that she needs to take action on.  Her problem is that her son isn’t spending enough time doing his homework and his grades are suffering.  Initially she thinks about creating a schedule with her son to help her son manage homework better.  As she is thinking more about it she begins to doubt whether this will work, she thinks “he is never going to follow a schedule, and it is going to turn into us arguing everyday, there has to be a better solution”.  As she is having more of these thoughts she feels anxious and decides to put off solving this issue until she can think of a better solution.  As days go by, and the problem goes unresolved, her son is falling more behind, and she feels more anxious about it.  This leads to her becoming overwhelmed and avoiding it further.

In the brief example above we see how the way we think about a problem can affect our ability to take action on solving it. Often, the longer a problem goes unsolved, the bigger and more overwhelming it becomes, which can feed into the anxiety about it, leading to further avoidance.  If you find this happens to you, having a step-by-step method of approaching problems might help you to overcome the thoughts and behaviours that keep you stuck.

Effective problem-solving is made up of a few important steps.  The first is to define the problem as specifically as possible. Using the homework example above we might define it as “my son is not spending enough time doing homework each day which is leading to his grades being low”.  By defining the problem specifically, it can prevent us from blowing it up into something bigger than it is.  The next step is to set a goal related to the problem such as “my son needs to spend at least 2 hours a day on homework to be able to complete it consistently and bring his grades up”.  This step of setting a specific goal also helps to keep the problem manageable.  The next step helps to compensate for the tendency of worriers to discount possible solutions due to a negative or perfectionistic mindset.   In this step we brainstorm any and all solutions to the problem, without judgement.  In this important step, we write down ALL of the solutions we can think of, no matter whether we think they could work or not, or even if they seem ridiculous.  Research shows that the more solutions we generate, the more likely we are to find one that can work.  Some examples of possible solutions to the homework problem could be: give him money to do his homework, create a schedule with him, get a tutor, take away video games/phone use until he meets his goal for 2 weeks, speak to his teachers to get ideas…..Finally, in the last step, we evaluate each solution we’ve listed by writing down the pros and cons of each, and this helps us to pick one or a combination of solutions to act on.

If you are currently feeling stuck on solving one of life’s problems (a.k.a. productive worries), we encourage you to walk through the steps listed above to see if you are able to get moving on it.  We’d love to hear from you if you do!